She's at the Top of her Game

I want to start with an up to date piece about where I am physically and mentally right now... this may come across really up myself or vain but I have not actually sat down and really thought hard about how far I have come and how happy its made me... So I am going to do just that. Its going to be a kind of 'Jess Evaluation'. (I'm not sure how much of this I would use for my book, its more of a starting point diary entry just for myself...)

At this exact moment in time I weigh 11 stone and 13lbs:

A Body Mass Index of 23.3

"According to BMI Classifications, you are In The Ideal Weight Range. The ideal weight range for your height is: 9St 7lbs to 12St 12lbs" (http://www.neilstoolbox.com/body-mass-index/index.htm#)I want to get to a low 10stone eventually which should be ideal.

Yesterday I was at a friends house and we were playing on the Wii Fit (which is awesome and I'm getting one for xmas) but anyway, when you create your profile you have to stand on the board and it measures your centre of gravity and your weight. My COG was surprisingly good and my weight too, it displayed what it says above pretty much, "healthy BMI", "Ideal Weight" etc and for it to do so in front of 2 of my friends I felt so proud of myself as they cheered! I just remember the 1st time I went on a Wii Fit back in February at my friends hen night and I was 13stone 3Ibs ish... in 5 months I have lost that much weight and its wicked!

So yeah pretty happy with that tbh... but I don't fully agree with the BMI standards, for instance a friend of mine who couldn't really be a healthier weight wise was told he was obese by his BMI, because he has a fair amount of muscle on him. The BMI is good for the average person but if you have a stocky frame or prominent muscles or bone structure then it doesn't take that into account... But for myself I think its accurate as I'm not muscley particularly and although I'm tall I'm starting to realise actually I have a slim bone structure everywhere but my hips, so I cant describe myself as broad anymore...

I still have a way to go though, if I look at myself now I am perfectly happy with my fore arms, neck and collar bone bit, I have good shoulders and I'm quite happy with my back and my bum (though I could loose a bit more bum, I'm quite happy with my curvy rear.) My favourite bit that has changed is my waist, its mad, I now have one! Parts of me that still need work are my arms, quite a bit of bingo wing going on and it makes me a bit sick I let them get like that and my thighs down to my knees are pretty chubby still. My tummy is also a working progress but I see it going down and that's great. Then I will have some toning to do of course.

I'm wearing smaller sizes then I have in a really long time: I have made the leap down from my size 16 work shirt to a size 12 and there could be a bit more lost to look perfect but I'm really happy how it makes me look now! Some of my tops had been a 22! I also had to buy my second pair of work trousers this year because previous ones are falling off me, my 1st pair of trousers at this job were a 20 and a bit tight, then in January I bought an 18 and then last week I'm fitting perfectly in a 16! Its brilliant, truly it is, especially when you take into account I have been at this job for nearly 2 years and have dropped 3 sizes up and 2 down! I would say that my top half, depending on the style, is a 14 now in normal clothes and my bottom half is a 16 and its so great.

On a negative note about weight loss though, I have lost a fair amount of my boobs :( They grew as the rest of me grew and I got them up to a 38 C / D (depending on the bra) and now as I have slimmed they have sadly shrank to a 34 B. Which is kind of lame but at the end of the day I would rather be thinner and flatter then chesty and chubby! And loosing weight costs a fortune!! Seriously I have had to re-buy my whole wardrobe pretty much, especially tops and dresses that I can now fit in and want millions... :p But again it is the price I have to pay to be what I want to be!

Keeping the truthful feel I also would like to say when I put on all that weight I became very irregular on my monthlies, literally I went through 2 years without a period. I apologise to be so 'sharing' but it is a issue of being overweight that I have corrected, since loosing weight I have regular ones again and I think being fat stopped them. Seriously, sorry if you didn't need to know that but this is my blog so there :p

Mooooving on....

Earlier I embarked on another 2 weekly ritual where I try on possible outfits for upcoming nights out, I have to do this because it lessens the possibility of "ugh nothing looks right on me, I look awful" minutes before the event. I just like to be prepared and ultimately I want to look nice too, and again its crazy how things have changed. Things that I bought ages ago in the hope of slimming into now fit me and I can wear a little skirt without tights now and not be too disgusted at my wobbly thighs! I am definitely becoming very happy in my own skin once again.

In terms of my diet and food its crazy to think how little I eat now compared to what I did. I wont lie, at University I was a pig, literally eating a whole tube of pringles at once, a whole angel cake in one sitting and countless chocolate and take away food. I never ate breakfast even at college, I wasn't up early enough to do so and at uni I rarely got out of bed before 2pm. My lunches usually consisted of a sandwich and sausage roll and crisps and this and that blah blah... lol Now I have brekkie every day, usually bran flakes with dried cranberries on or some hearty wholemeal toast and lunch atm is often rivita with ham and cucumber and maybe half a packet of crisps (saving the other half for tomorrow) I don't really eat sweet things now, I cant remember the last time I had cake and I eat chocolate if I truly fancy it but I often substitute it for a hot chocolate with a few marshmallows or some sucky sweets. My portions and a great deal smaller now, I usually leave a tiny bit, I don't like to waste food but if I cant eat it I don't. I'm a firm believer in a handful of pasta is enough, where-as I usually had what equates to about 4 handfuls I guess...

I have had a fair few personal accomplishments along the way that have either helped me or spurred me on:
>I was my target weight of 12.12 for my good friends wedding.
>I went 2 whole weeks without a single crisp... lol it is more of a feat then it sounds trust me :p
>I went through 2 weeks with only Muller rice and dinner a day...
>I did the Special K Diet for 3 weeks.

Setting fun goals really helped.

With regards to exercise atm I am doing something that is truly testing my motivation to shift this flab: "Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shread"
This is an exercise DVD (I LOVE exercise DVDs)that involves a 20 minute exercise of combined strength work, cardio and abs every day for 30 days! Promising a weight loss of up to 20pounds - now, I have lost a lot of weight already so I doubt I will lose that much but even 5 pounds will be worth it! I am currently on day 11 and still enjoying it, surprisingly. It really is good, you are supposed to do 3 lots of 30 minute exercise a week to stay healthy and I am currently doing 2 hours, 20 minutes a week. We shall see what I get out of it, that's all I'm doing atm so I can give it a fair test (eating well too of course) I have noticed an increase in my stamina and endurance already though and its fab.

I have always been motivated exercise wise, I think its cause I choose exercises I like... I began my weightloss going to the gym twice a week to use the machines and I never really enjoyed it, then I found kickboxing classes and aerobics that I love and still do now when I can squeeze it in. I also swam a lot last year, 3 times a week with an aqua aerobic session too for a whole summer and again, when I have time, I swim. I tried jogging, its not for me. The best things I do are my exercise DVDs usually 3 times a week at least and I have loads to choose from, mostly kickboxing stuff as that is my fave thing atm...

I cant get over how determined and motivated to do this I am, other people struggle now and again, and I have my bad days and not great weekly weigh in results but generally I am slowly but surely getting there. It makes me sad when others cant find the self esteem or effort to do the same, I just want to help them but they have to do it on their own and I know that. I just think if you want something go and get it, grab it with both hands and make it your bitch... lol No one can tell you that you 'cant' because you CAN.

Its really hard to stop and see how far I have come, because I still have a way to go, but I always have my best friend telling me how proud of me she is and how great I look which is just the cherry on top of everything else! Other friends that don't see me as often as she does notice too, my close male friends have congratulated me on how far I have come and my favourite friend of my boyfriends literally blurted out "fuck me Jess, you have lost weight!" before he even greeted me recently :) and I love that we have quite nice conversations about weight loss, he is trying to get in shape too and I feel like I can pass on my knowledge. Even people who barely know me have noticed and compliment my effort, a girl at the gym who I talk to at aerobics said how great I look and she is shocked how much weight I have lost since crimbo and a new girl at work looked utterly confused as to why I was even loosing some weight, arguing I didn't need to! I know I have lost 4 stone and everyday something happens that makes me remember and fills me with pride.

In August I will get my reward so to speak, I am going to London with my two best girls for a shopping trip and it will be the 1st time that most things will fit me! I have been about 4 other times and on all of these occassions been large so I only buy Large band Tees or trainers. This year I am buying some nice dresses and tops and everything else too!! I cannot wait and it will be what I have worked so hard recently for and then I get my treat :) 5 week to wait, and to loose more weight - I want to be a mid to low 11stone by then, that's my current goal, so 11stone 7lbs or lower....

I genuinely feel at the 'top of my game' atm and haven't been happier in a long long time. I just wish I started all of this earlier... Its odd that Im not the biggest of my friends anymore, I always was before and I still see myself as big and my fella has to remind me sometimes that I have lost all this weight! I feel like an average girl now, not overweight or obese and when I see others that fall into that category as much as I hate to admit it I feel good about myself and my effort and why shouldn't I? I have earned this! You may be reading this and think that I'm really up myself but that isn't true, I have just achieved something phenomenal to me personally and I'm happy about it and need to write these thoughts down!

I am confident and that really boosts the way I feel about myself and also aided my diet. I feel more attractive, the compliments help, I think other girls could be jealous of me and my figure that I have worked so hard for - not that its a competition but I do feel like a winner. I'm just glad how much my hard work has payed off, I feel and look great (if I do say so myself) and I am ultimately healthier which is never a bad thing! Don't get me wrong, I don't love myself now or think Im better than anyone else, I still have a few issues and aspects I dislike particularly with my 'heart stuff' but that's a different blog for a different day, I just understand and get on better with myself then ever before. I feel like a threat now, like I'm the one who could get noticed in a crowded room - Male attention is nice now that I get it more often but I am in a very loving and happy relationship and I couldn't be happier.

I'm turning into the person I want to be a little more everyday and I'm fucking determined to get to the last hurdle this year, watch this space...